Forgiving the bad

So much of what the world tells us about life is about good vs. evil. Good guys and bad guys. It’s in the media, in literature, and in day to day interactions. Although many people may prefer to see the world in such clear black and white, in real life there is a lot of gray. And I think as social workers we see a bit more of the in between and realize that everyone has some good and some bad in them. How else can someone sit there and tell a violent criminal or abusive parent how much potential they have?
However, often times one or two people telling you that you are a good person doesn’t mediate the rest of the world telling you are “bad.” I’ve even noticed in some aspects of the helping professions, in an effort to support the victim, the perpetrators are demonized. I struggle with this because I can see the benefits of separating the victim from the abuser, yet often times the perpetrator was also a victim at one point or another and demonizing them may just cause more harm later on.
Personally, I’m curious when exactly a victim becomes a perpetrator. It seems as if it is as soon as one is old enough to be put in juvenile hall.
Because there is so much out there encouraging “justice” and the assurance that the good guy beats the bad guy, I am always amazed when I hear about people who have decided to forgive a person who has deeply hurt them, their family, or their culture. Take for instance the celebrity Jennifer Hudson. Her mother, brother, and nephew were all murdered, yet she still offered the killer her forgiveness. I think that is amazing.

Obviously there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting and by no means am I advocating for people to forget the pain they have experienced, whether it be because of their own actions or the actions of another. However, I truly believe that if people restrain from giving forgiveness they can’t move on. Granted, some situations are easier to forgive than others. Consider the following video


Know all and you will pardon all.
Thomas a Kempis

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.
George Herbert

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
Alden Nowlan

To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope